Asexual, huh? then why....

Yep. I'm asexual. That means I'd rather have cake than coitus, and that's why I've tried many flavors and varieties of one, but NONE of the other--not even vanilla. So WHY do I write adult-type slash? Because it's art. I like art. I like being creative. I like reading creative things. I like writing creative things. Although I don't have or want personal experience with the subject matter, I do know a great deal about adult behaviors; I've learned about them in my quest to discover my sexuality.
Society expects us all to be sexual. I grew up learning about sexuality. I realized at a certain age that almost all of my peers were sexually active; but I realized that I had no strong desire to join the crowd. It was more than playing safe or standing up to peer pressure; I just flat-out wasn't all that interested. I understood that they had some strong desire for sexual activity that propelled them towards it; but I had one male friend who never ever talked about girls. I never saw him kissing, never saw him checking out the girls, never heard him talking about intercourse or girls with whom he wished to engage in intercourse. As we got older and more girls and boys started engaging in these activities, he became a very close friend to me. It wasn't until we were in our 20s that I found out he HAD been engaging in sexual activities all along--only with boys, not girls. Now that I'm an adult, I realize that there's an even greater expectation of sexual activity by society. Nearly all people my age engage in sexual activity. I discuss it with my peers; they tell me about their experiences. I have decided that most others really do enjoy sexuality, they're not simply feigning interest. They may not enjoy all the partners they engage--some complain that a partner was less than ideal, and other partners were better by comparison; but they do enjoy the activity in general. I don't quite understand why. They tell me "Because sex is fun!" I fail to understand which part of the mating process they consider "fun."
It took me many years between the time I realized that I just wasn't all that interested in sex and realizing that this could actually be a sexual orientation. During that time, I studied a wide variety of sexual behavior. I looked up a good number of male/female positions and fetishes; I watched Kama Sutra lessons (Protip: search for Dr Swayam Prakash on YouTube.). I decided none of them were interesting to me. Then I decided if I wasn't interested in heterosexual activities, perhaps I was gay (that's logical, isn't it?) so I started studying female/female relations. Those weren't interesting to me either. Well, I thought, if I'm not interested in heterosexual or homosexual relations, perhaps I'm transgender! :-) So I started over, checking out male-male relations and male-female relations with the intent of trying to figure out if I were more interested in them if I were the male. That seemed a tiny bit more hopeful in the "appealing" range at the beginning; but in the end, the answer was still nope, I wasn't really interested in that either. Well if I wasn't interested in any of that, what DID I like? I finally realized I was operating under the mistaken assumption that everyone must have some sexual interest; now I have accepted that that is not necessarily true.
My interest in sexuality is now no longer to find my way; I have accepted myself for who I am. I don't like ANY of it. And that's just the way it is. Now, I'm interested for reasons of understanding others and for artistic reasons. I understand sexuality is part of life; but it doesn't have to be part of mine, and that's ok with me. I'm still pretty curious about what others get out of it, though.

May/Sara

January 21, 2074
Dear diary,
Tara's little social function was a real success. People left smiling, for the first time in days. It was good to get our minds off of our troubles, if only for a few minutes. I took advantage of the time to ask the Teacher chef, Dan, for the recipe. Here it is:

Mock veal cutlets:

Wash one cup of lentils, and soak over night; in the morning strain and parboil in fresh boiling water for 30 minutes; drain again and cook until soft in sufficient boiling water to cover them; rub through a sieve and to the puree add 1/4 cup of melted butter, 1 cup of fine Graham bread crumbs, 1 cup of strained tomatoes to which a, speck of soda has been added, 1 cup of blanched and chopped peanuts, 1 tablespoon each of grated celery and minced onions; season with 1/4 teaspoon of mixed herbs, salt and pepper; blend all thoroughly together, and form into cutlets; dip these into egg and then in fine bread-crumbs; place in a well-greased baking pan, and brown in quick oven; arrange around a mound of well seasoned mashed potatoes, and serve with brown sauce.

Brown sauce:

Mix thoroughly 1 teaspoon of peanut butter and 2 tablespoons browned flour with 1 tablespoon cream; add gradually 2 cups hot milk, and stir and cook until the mixture thickens; just before serving add 4 tablespoons strained tomatoes, and a little salt and pepper.

Mashed Potatoes:

Rinse potatoes and peel. Cut into small chunks. Boil in water until soft; strain. Mash thoroughly, adding butter, salt, and pepper to taste.

Sweetened Carrots:

Wash carrots and cut into thin slices. Boil in enough water to cover the carrots with a good amount of honey: 2-3 tbsp honey per cup of water. Boil until carrots are soft; retain water (can be served chilled as a beverage).

  

Of course here, we don't have real milk; we use rice milk and a soybean/palm/olive butter substitute. The food is delicious, after the first few weeks you don't even notice it's not real products anymore; but I will say that I sure do miss catfish. Peanuts are an important crop for us because they add nutrients to the soil. They're one of the very few plants actually grown in the soil, as the ground here is not conducive for plant growth; most of our plants are grown in hydroponic bays. However, that will change as the water reclamation and waste extraction, plus the plants that give nutrients to the soil, begin to work together to create fertile topsoil. After several years we'll have enough plant life to allow us to sustainably expand and have more people living in the community.
On a more personal note, May asked me out! We finally had a chance to talk on our off-hours; we had such a fun time. We have so much in common, even tho I'm a southern belle and she's a Chinese mountain girl. There's so much more to each of us than our nationalities; living here, in Lunar 1, has really helped me experience and appreciate that. We're going to go bowling at the rec center Tuesday. She showed me some of her paintings, and I showed her some of mine. They're amazingly similar: she favors free-flowing forms to lines and angles, like me. She has a beautiful painting of a waterfall. Time for my shift! I better run or I'll be late!
~Sara

Bashir/O'Brien

After this clip: Bashir and O'Brien are taken prisoner by a renegade group of Jem'Hadar. (DS9: Hippocratic Oath). O'Brien frees himself and Dr. Bashir, against the Doctor's wishes, but by doing so condemns the unit of Jem'Hadar soldiers to death. O'Brien and Bashir return to Deep Space 9, both changed by the events of the last five days.
Three days later:
O'Brien's door chime sounds. "Huh? Who could that be? Keiko isn't due back for another two weeks.....Enter."
Julian opened the door. "Chief....Can I....talk to you for a minute?"
"Alright....sit down." The two sat together.
"I've been thinking a lot about what happened back there on the planet, and I think now I understand."
"Oh you do?" O'Brien snorted. "Well that's good, at least one of us does."
"No....you do. You said it yourself on the runabout, you couldn't let me die."
"True, that. You're a pain in the arse Bashir, but I......" He stopped himself. How could he admit it? What would that do to him? to Keiko? He could admit his bisexuality to himself....but what about his wife? what about their daughter, Molly?
"You what?"
"I don't hate you for it."
"I think it's more than that, Miles."
"Oh you do?" O'Brien forced himself to chuckle; but his heart was breaking inside. Why, why, why did he not have the courage to be open about his feelings. He turned away.
"I love you, Miles O'Brien."
"You WHAT!?" Miles jumped to his feet. "I'm....I'm a married man, Julian! I have a wife! And a daughter! I can't.....I....." He sat back down, his body heaving as tears rolled down his cheeks. "My wife....I love her...."
"But...."
"But I love you too." He turned his head away. "Molly....Molly....my daughter needs me. I can't...."
Julian stood. "I understand. I wish....I wish things could be different. I'm.....sorry, Miles. I shouldn't have come." He turned to leave.

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Lunar 1--Counsellor's office

Author's note: these are in reverse chronological order; read back to get to the beginning of the story....also, tell me which characters you like best, and I'll write more of them. The doctor, Sara, is a lesbian, if you didn't catch on. ;)

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January 20, 2074

Dear diary, 

Today was pretty stressful. People are on edge--one of the solar panels failed completely. Engineering had been monitoring the situation for a few days--they thought it was under control, but wiring problems were masking a bigger problem with the panel itself. Something I don't quite understand; I'm a counselor, not an engineer. Although we brought and built many more than we needed, it's a reminder of how far we are from home. Some part is needed to repair it, but it must be sent up from the planet. We won't have our own metalwork here for another fifteen years; it's part of the planned Lunar 7 facility. The next shipment doesn't arrive for almost three months. As long as the problem was limited to the one panel, we're fine; but if more fail, we may need to reduce activity at some of the non-critical operations, like the Rec Center.

May seems to have a thing for Sara. I'm worried that it's too soon after her break-up to begin another relationship; but she is a very confident woman, and seems to know what she's doing. But what would I know about relationships. I'm asexual. 

Gotta admit, it's not easy being the only asexual in the colony. I sit and eat, or go walk in the gardens, and look around at the other people, sitting in couples. Don't get me wrong--I have a lot of good friends here. But sometimes I'm lonely. I do want more companionship. Perhaps I should arrange a chess social; that always brings people together and cheers up the place. This would take care of both my problems, the anxious populous and the need for more interaction.

Time for my next appointment, got to go.

~Tara

Doctor's Diary--Lunar 1

January 18, 2074
Dear Diary,
I'm on third watch. A rather boring shift, but I like that. There isn't a lot of work to do here, even during the busier shifts. Our diet is carefully planned, we all have a strict exercise regimen, and injuries are very rare. Most of the work done here is maintenance--contraceptives, of course, because the ecosystem of Lunar 1 will not be able to support more people for another ten years; and physicals, and minor first aid for lacerations and abrasions. Life is good in Lunar 1.
Another important task during the first two shifts is training. The Students have to learn many skills: heart, brain, and other diagnostics and surgeries; even work we know we don't have, like how to birth a baby. It's very important for our Students to know these skills, because some day they'll be Teachers. I'm on duty tonight with a Section 4 medical student, May. She just broke up with her partner; something about him not being open to her bisexuality. There are very few singles here; most of us came as couples (Tara says it's better for morale; ironic, because she's one of the few singles). My wife and I are in an open relationship, tho, so maybe I'll try to spend more time with May. She is beautiful. It's just a shame that even here, some people aren't open to diverse sexuality; we came here to escape the Terran ways and form a new life for ourselves. I guess even on the moon, we can't escape our nature.
Tomorrow's third meal is my favorite, veal cutlets made from peanuts. It's an old recipe of George Washington Carver. Don't care much for the carrots tho. I eat them because I know they're part of the dietary needs. Maybe I'll ask chef for the veal recipe; even though I can't cook, it would be great to put in my diary.
Time to leave; the wife's waiting.
~Sara

Another Lunar 1 Diary

January 13, 2074
Dear Diary, 
Thomas is well behaved today; I suppose Tara's plan is working. I have the third watch this month, what would be the night watch on Earth. But since Ops--and the hospital, habitat rings, factories, and recreational facilities--are subterranean, and we are on the light side of the moon, where it is sunny all the time above ground, it doesn't really make a difference. The third shift is easier than the others, because the factories and recreational facilities are closed. The hospital has minimal staffing as well, and the counselors and most other personnel are off duty. There's still a lot of work to be done, though. We have to keep a careful eye on the oxygen levels; additionally, we have to keep a close eye on the detectors so we will be aware of any incoming meteors. The Grid--the rubber/bioplastic mesh just above the tinted reinforced glass dome--is supposed to protect us from small meteors; we also have missiles to destroy larger meteors. Back on Earth we didn't have to worry as much, but without an atmosphere to protect us, we're very vulnerable here. Of course we're working to create an atmosphere here; but it's slow work, and not very exciting. Tonight one of the solar panels seems to be malfunctioning. I sent a repair bot to correct it; turns out some wires had been faulty. I made a note of it in the log.
Pretty boring evening, really. I was catching up on some of the news from Earth. There was another huge earthquake back home in California; can't say I miss those. It's kind of nice to live on a ball of rock that doesn't act like it wants to throw you into the ocean every few days. One of the water desalification plants in Pakistan failed; hundreds of thousands are without water. Combine that with the lack of power they've been experiencing since the last of the mountain ice melted away, and it's pretty bad there. China is of course sending aid, again. The famine in Africa has worsened. It's tragic. Even after the empires that raped Africa for its resources have fallen into demise, the poor continent still can't catch a break. I hear that some philanthropists are trying to set up a society based on the same principles as our colonies. My shift is almost over, and I must write my shift summary. More later.
~Cheung

Dairies from Lunar 1

These diaries are fiction, based on what I believe a lunar colony should look like.

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Counsellor's Personal Log, January 8, 2074
It's been six months since we landed here on Lunar 1. Although we had all been through extensive training, I don't think any of us were fully prepared for life here. I went up to the gardens today after work. The grass, the flowers, the trees, the birds...It was just like the big blue ball, except for the fact that I could see the planet below (and the Dome). I know the Dome and Grid are there to block the fall of asteroids and shield us from UV rays, but I would love to be back under the South Carolina sun. Even in the summer.
It will be another year before I get to go back to visit the blue planet. I miss my parents, but being a settler does have its appeal. I love the community we've built here. The farmers, doctors, engineers, waste extraction personnel--they're like a family to me. And I can't say I miss lawyers and bankers. Or war. There's no war up here, we live together in peace. The crops are doing well, I've been told; little surprise, we built this environment as much for them as for us; still, it is important, and we all know that. Without them, we would all die. General morale is strong among the settlers. Our daily workouts are keeping us strong; the nutritionists and doctors are keeping us healthy. We've done well, pulling together like this. It has been hard for many crew members to learn second, third, and fourth languages; but it's almost as if we are writing a language of our own, pulling the best words out of the native languages of all the settlers. The robots have almost completed construction at Lunar 2, and the plants and small animals will arrive in three months. We will be overseeing the organization, putting a lot of extra pressure on Engineering.
One of the couples, May and Josh, have separated. May moved to Habitat Level 3. I have scheduled additional time for her, which has pushed back my crew evaluations. Thomas from Engineering has been intermittently neglecting to take his medication; his Teacher has alerted me of abnormal mood swings. I have assigned a Counseling Student from his habitat ring to remind him to take his pills every the morning. The crew has decided that Student Section 4 is most qualified to become Teachers at Lunar 2; although the settlers will not arrive for another 15 months, the other teachers and myself have begun assigning extra responsibilities to our Section 4 students. It's an excellent system we have, so much unlike the blue planet. There, we all had to work and compete to survive. Here, we all work together; there is no leader, no overseer, no CEO. Here, we are simply teachers and students. Every student will become a teacher. We are not greater or lesser than each other; those of us with specialized training from the homeworld share our knowledge freely with our students, for the good of the collective. I feel sorry for my family back on the blue world, struggling against the world to survive, locked in a competition with everyone around them. I wish they could experience the peace we have here. I have to go; it's time for the evening meal. More later.
~Tara

Asexual/aromantic...coming out

Yeah this is an anonymous blog (E. Hammond is from the name of Evey from V for Vendetta), and so I guess I'm not really coming out, but I still wanted to write about being asexual. I get asked whether I became asexual after being abused; I was abused, but do not believe this is the reason for my asexuality, as one of my parents also seems to be asexual. I've never experienced romantic love, but over the years I've learned to mimic it. I can say the same things, do the same things, but without feeling. I hear others talking about the passion of love, I can read a great number of stories and see a great number of films that depict desire, lust, jealousy, passion, love, devotion, and romance. I can, just like an actress, tell someone with great passion that I love them. However, I myself have never experienced these emotions, and I doubt I ever will.
I've read a great deal about sexuality. I've familiarized myself with many sexual activities involving men, women, and various and sundry combinations and variations thereof, yet none of them make me say "Ooh, I want to try that!" I'd really rather eat cake. I see "adult content" pictures; I understand that most people have some sort of reaction to them, but I myself do not. I see the human shape as a simple animal, not unlike other animals; I can view it without shame, but also without arousal, like most people would see a horse or a bird. It is not disgusting, but it has no special beauty. I understand that others have a reaction, positive or negative, to members of the different sexes, but I don't understand why. I tend to find men slightly more desirable than women, but I can appreciate beauty in either without a sexual response.
I'm not unhappy with nature's decision to make me this way. I view the pursuit of sexual gratification as an enormous waste of time and money, and am glad that I have been spared the lust that seems to consume others. It allows me to work with others without the friction caused by sexuality. I do require companionship from time to time; asexuality does get in the way of that, because I cannot find a partner who understands my relationship needs. Nevertheless, overall, I am happy with my orientation, and would not change it.

Ezri/Arandis fanfiction

YES, it departs from the show. This is slash fiction, not very good slash fiction, but a cool pairing of an adorable couple. So appreciate it or bug off.

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Ezri Dax

Ezri stood beside the Temtibi Lagoon. Risa was just as beautiful as she…or, more accurately, her symbiont Dax…remembered it. The second to last Trill host of Dax, Curzon—who had the symbiont longer than any of the other hosts—, had been known for passion for women, and his last trip had been to Risa. “Pompous old fool”, Ezri muttered to herself, “couldn’t pass up a woman…even if his life depended on it. Still, this place is beautiful.” She smiled.

“Dax?” Ezri turned.

“Arandis!”

“I saw your name on the roster of incoming guests….I had to see you.” Arandis smiled. This Dax, like Jadzia, was younger, and female; perhaps the spark that had been there between her and Curzon would not continue.

“You’re…..beautiful!”

“You sound surprised….tho I suppose you’ve met more of Curzon’s lovers…”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean….I mean…..I…What was I saying?” Ezri blushed.

“Ah…you still have feelings for me?” Arandis gently nudged, a smile playing with her lips.

“We’re…old friends, you and I…or you and Dax….”

“Yes, you could say that. I caused Curzon’s death.”

“I remember…I enjoyed it. Or he enjoyed it. I haven’t gotten it quite figured out…I have all these memories and feelings and….and a huge urge to kiss you.”

Arandis with a Horga'hn

“Are you sure that would be a good idea?” Arandis asked; her eyes twinkled. But before she could get an answer, Ezri had wrapped her arms tightly around Arandis and locked their lips.
“Oh Dax” Arandis whispered, “After losing Jadzia and Curzon, I couldn’t stand to lose you again.” They kissed once more.

“I’m here now, Arandis. That’s what matters. Maybe we don’t have tomorrow, but we have right now. Let’s go inside, shall we?” Ezri said, and began to caress her.

Arandis moaned softly. “I want to…but I’m on duty here.” Ezri began to kiss her neck. “After my shift,” Arandis tried to protest, but now Ezri was too firmly involved in her love-making to notice Arandis’ words. Arandis herself was hardly convinced by her excuse; this was, after all, Risa--a pleasure planet— and the Jamaharon ritual formed a large part of the services provided to guests. “Well, alright, but let’s get a Horga’hn so it seems like I’m on business.”

Ezri looked up for a second, and Arandis realized that she hadn't heard a word. “Hmm? Which building?”